That’s how I feel about stating my first blog site. Well, any website for that matter. I’m torn as to how much information I should be sharing because I’m so vulnerable and fragile right now. The internet is NOT a safe place. It is not full of people who love and support me. It is in fact, full of jerks and as*holes. I know this, yet, I know I have to tell my story. I have no idea how many people are going to read this. I’m not doing this to profit off of anyone’s fears and insecurities. I’m doing this 100% for me and my healing. If someone happens to read my story and resonates, then ALL the more power to you. I wish I could help ALL of you. I wish I could be the friend that you all need right now. If you’re reading my story then I know you may be recovering in a larger body and it’s the hardest thing in the world you’ve ever done. You’re probably feeling alone, scared and hopeless. You may be feeling like you did something wrong. I wish I could give you all the answerers you’re seeking, but I can’t. I’m simply a 43 year old woman who has just lived the most extraordinary year of her life and thinks telling it may help someone.
I’m not doing this for money. I’m not doing this for attention. I’m doing this for a couple of reasons;
1. For me – I need an outlet. I have NO ONE to talk to about this on a regular basis (more about that later) and
2. I’m doing this for YOU. There are very few people on the internet who are in recovery from atypical anorexia. There are TONS of blogs and websites about anorexia, but atypical, forget about it. I wanted to give YOU something, just something so that you don’t feel so alone like I did.
Lastly, I’ve chosen to remain anonymous. As you read my story, you’ll understand why. This is for my protection. I am setting a boundary on social media. I also understand that by staying anonymous, I’m also missing out on the people who want to reach out to me and connect to tell me how much I’ve helped them, how much they needed to “read my story”. I understand the trade off I am making. I HATE that I have to make that decision – social media can be used for SUCH good. But this is a boundary I’m not willing to cross. I am too vulnerable and fragile right now to fight the haters.
Recovery from Atypical Anorexia has destroyed and liberated me in ways I never even thought possible. So, come along. Read my story. Take what you need, discard what isn’t serving you. At the end of the day I’m just a girl who’s in a tremendous amount of pain who doesn’t know how to release it all to feel human again. This is my story – let’s do this together.